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Life On The Beat January 2008 When Cops Retire
When a good man leaves the 'job' and retires to a better life, many are jealous, some are pleased and yet others, who may have already retired, wonder. We wonder if he [she] knows what they are leaving behind, because we already know. We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie that few experience, it will remain as a longing for those past times. We know in the law enforcement life there is a fellowship which lasts long after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet. We know even if he throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that remains in his frame. We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of what he was and in his heart still is.
These are the burdens of the job. You will still look at people suspiciously, still see what others do not see or choose to ignore and always will look at the rest of the law enforcement world with a respect for what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing. Never think for one moment you are escaping from the life. You are only escaping the 'job' and we are merely allowing you to leave 'active' duty.
So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your heart you never forget for one moment that 'Blessed are the Peacemakers for they shall be called children of God,' and you are still a member of the greatest fraternity the world has ever known.
| The Police in Humor
Dispatcher is God
THE CHIEF of police leaps tall building in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water and gives policy to God.
THE ASSISTANT CHIEF leaps shorter buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a Switch Engine, and is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if it is calm, and talks to God.
THE CAPTAIN leaps short building with a running start, and favorable wind conditions. He is almost as powerful as a switch engine and faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water of an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.
THE LIEUTENANT barely clears quonset huts, loses tug of war with Locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well and is occasional addressed by God.
THE SERGEANT makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is ran over by Locomotives and sometimes handles a gun without inflicting self injury, can dog paddle, and talks to himself.
THE DETECTIVE runs into buildings, recognizes
Locomotives two out of three times, is issued
ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed,
and talks to water.
THE PATROLMAN falls over door sills when entering buildings, says "look at the choo choo", wets himself with a water pistol, and can never never ever talk to God.
THE DISPATCHER lifts up buildings and walks under them, kicks Locomotives off of the tracks, catches speeding bullets in her teeth and chews them, and freezes water with a single glance.
THE DISPATCHER IS GOD!!! | The New Field Sobriety Tests
A man is going down the road, and gets pulled over by a highway patrolman. When he gets up to the car, he tells him that he was speeding. The man is shocked, but not startled by being pulled over because he is always speeding. While the highway patrolman is standing there, he sees that the man has 9 huge knives in the back seat.He asks him what they are for, and he tells him that they are for his act, and he is a juggler.
The patrolman does not believe him, and tells him to prove it. So he gets out of the car, and starts to juggle the knives. At the same time, 2 men are driving by and witness the two on the side of the road. One of the men looks to the other man and says, "Man, I sure am glad I quit drinking, those sobriety tests these days are rough!'
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